


Forbidden

by QueerCowBoah



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom John Marston, Coming Out, Drinking, Fighting, Flashbacks, Forbidden, I Tried, Loneliness, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Men Crying, Murder, Oral Sex, RDR2, Rough Sex, Running Away, Secret Crush, Top Arthur Morgan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26658628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueerCowBoah/pseuds/QueerCowBoah
Summary: Arthur’s feelings for long time brother like a gang member boiled its self into a lustful want and desire to be honest with his feelings for this man, John Marston. Despite being forbidden, he can’t stand being silent any long.
Relationships: John Marston/Arthur Morgan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. New Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy the read! I ship these two so god damn hard. Also I use old west words to give it that feel of realistic value.
> 
> Example being:  
> Bazoo means mouth.

The wind blew cooly through the pine trees that danced with bright autumn leaves, and through the green meadows to the evergreen forest that stood at the foot of the mountains. Rays of a fiery sunset cascaded over the peaks. All while a group of a weary lot rode below on the dirt trail to their new settling ground. Dutch, who had been trotting steadily in the back, sped up and rode ahead of the group, gripping his reins firmly as he looked to his side. He questioned himself if Charles knew where this particular spot was.

_"If I may ask, where exactly is this spot?"_

He shouted sternly over the rhythm of hooves hitting the earth. Charles grinned slightly and shook his head.

  
_"We're close, I promise"_

he let out a short laugh and kicked his heels into his horse's side, causing him to trot further ahead of the rest of the group.

Arthur fell behind the group a short distance. His mind was preoccupied with the new member of the group, Micah Bell. The man stained the back of his mind. He still couldn't figure out why Dutch was even remotely interested in letting him be apart of this. His eyes wander to everyone ahead of him. John had been riding along with one of the wagons where Abigail sat with they're son, Jack. A smile had crept across his face. Arthur felt grateful to have everyone in this well what he called family. Dutch has been a father to him since he was a teenager. Maybe things would get better once they finally had a plan in place, but that wasn't clear yet.

—

The sound of crickets filled the night air as Arthur had helped Miss Grimshaw unpack his belongings before setting up his tent.

 _  
"Thank you for helping me, Mr. Morgan. I do gratefully appreciated it."She_ sighed tirelessly.

  
 _"It's_ _my pleasure, Miss."_

  
He smiled as he sat down on his makeshift bed, watching the others settling into their new tents for now. He took in the cold breezy night air with a mixture of burning wood along with the faint smell of horse shit. He reached for his journal that sat on a small table that stood only a few inches from him, untying the leather string wrapped around the book, turning the page as he read through the pages. Everything was fine until Dutch decided to let a rat looking bastard join. Since then, things haven't been the best, leaving other members behind because we were in such a hurry to leave all because Micah's plan had back faired.

The way Micah spoke to the others made them sound as if they were lesser than him, but with Dutch. He would be the one to kiss the ground where he walked. Arthur sighed, not wanting to further waste time on the bitch of a son. He took his pencil and began to sketch out his new surroundings. He casually glances up at his fellow members, before his eyes took their lead over to John Marston. This man had been consuming Arthur's mind for a while now. Since they were younger, Arthur took an unnatural liking to the black-haired man. This wasn't good to ever let John know or anyone else. He smiled briefly before looking back down at his sketch, adding details to the horse he drew, then shading out the sky. He rested his journal on the nightstand, prompting up his feet and placing his hands behind his head before drifting off to sleep.  
-

**"John."**

That man hasn't been able to leave Arthur's mind for a while now. His face, voice, even his body was all he could dare think about on long rides.  
He was painted into Arthur's memories like a beautiful sunset that bled through meadows with the violate hour chasing close behind it. Arthur knew better than ever to say anything about it to John. It wouldn't be right since he was already what seems happily wedded, and Jack was a huge part of why he stayed quiet about his feelings. He couldn't imagine the poor boy being caught up in the chaos of him opening his big bazoo.  
It's best to hide the feelings away and never speak of them to John even if it pains Arthur to do so. Still, what hurts more? Not telling him or staying quiet and taking to his grave that he loves John Marston.


	2. Hunting for camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mouths to feed

Dutch sat straight up in his chair with a book in hand, trying to rid the bellyaching he had heard from Mr Pearson about there not being enough food for everyone. The nagging remarks were wearing thin with him. He ordered Bill, Javier, and Micah to search a few days ago. He was not surprised if they turned up with nothing. As for Charles and Lenny, they stayed guide for the camp.

Arthur stared aimlessly as he held a small wooden brush while it groomed through the tough muddy hair of his bay blanket appaloosa, mare. He couldn't break free from his daydreaming; the wind was cluttering his ears along with singing birds.

 _"Arthur, are_ _we leaving today then?"_

John asked, standing only a few feet away. He waited for a moment before letting out a small sign before tugging at the taller man's white shirt. Arthur jumped, quickly he turned to John.

 _"Christ-_ _uh, yeah.”_

He jumped, holding his hand against his chest.

" _Didn't mean to startle you... Can we try to be back, at least in a few hours?_ _Abigail is insisting that I'm to be..."_

  
He sighed with annoyance and crossed his arms.Arthur suddenly became bitter to the request; it always annoyed him when John mentioned Abigail.

  
" _Then, get gaited."_

  
He huffed slightly before turning his back to John, tightening the girth on his saddle and mounted up into the saddle and grabbing the reins. He peered down at the shorter man studying his body closely. John looked back at him with a confused look.  
 _"Is everything alright?... you're acting a bit weird lately."_  
He questioned hesitantly.

  
_"I'm quite a daisy..."_

  
He discomposes as he nudged his heels into the mare's side and swiftly trotted away.  
John watched the man ride away. He was hauling by the path that leads out the camp, into the massive wooden forest. John found himself rather balled up with Arthur's actions, how at times, the man seems to stare bullet holes right through him. Did he say something or did anything to him in the past he couldn't recall? Never the less, John pays no more mind to his actions before going back to his buckskin, stallion, and gathered his things.

—

Autumn winds gently flowed through the pine trees, taking their aroma with it. Both men rode along the dirt trail that leads them into the unknown forest, towering pine trees and birds singing their tones.

Arthur had ridden ahead of John. The younger man was certain that something was off with Arthur. He looked through the trees to the ground in search of any animals. He was still trying to figure out what he had done.

Arthur was still brown  
studying his feelings for John. It had bothered him for some time now, but he couldn't bear the thought of hiding it away any longer. Being able to be alone with him was rare enough on its own. He clinched the reins, heavy-hearted with the reality of not being able to hold or even tell John. That he yearned for him.

Suddenly, Arthur broke free from his thought to a gunshot that echoed throughout the forest. His mare spooked at the sudden shoot. He pulled quickly on his reins to turn her into a small circle.

 _"Woah, girl,_ _easy!"_

  
He fetched up on his reins, darting his head over to John.

 _"A_ _warning_ _would_ _be appropriate."_  
He snapped in a crude tone.

  
 _"Don't get pissy with me. What's your problem?"_ John growled, narrowing his brows. What was it? John had enough of this pity guessing game.

  
 _"You didn't say that you were gotten fire at the damn deer!"_  
Arthur replied as his tone began to rise.

  
 _"You know what, Arthur! What the hell has gotten into you? You've been cross with me for no good god damn reason!"_  
John yelled back, kicking at his horse side to walk up beside the older man.

  
 _"I don't have a problem with you, John..."_  
He mumbled lowly, lowering his head to stare at the rocky trail.

  
 _"Let's meet back up here in a few hours."_  
Arthur stated, pulling the reins to go left off the trail. He shoots John a distress glance over his shoulder before disappearing into the woods.

John rolled his eyes as he clipped his tongue and rode down the trail and off into a small clearing of the woods.

Arthur clinched down on his teeth as he fought the tears back. He knew this was challenging. He sighed heavily, reaching for his repeater and digging his heels into his horse side and bolting off into a meadow.


	3. Riding

John-

Loud gunshots rang throughout the forest as Johns stallion hooves hit against the earth, while he aims for a whitetail buck that had been racing along with another herd, he steadies his finger on the cold metal of the trigger, pulling it. Within seconds the buck crashed into rich green grass. With a hard pull on the reins, his stallion came to a haul. The short man swiftly dismounted and pulled his hunting knife from his back pocket. Dark crimson had bled quickly, from a bullet hole, he shoots to the bucks head. John didn't mind skinning the animals at times, but on a rare occasion, it sorrowed him. Cutting roughly through the pelt, and neatly rolling it up before stowing it all in his dark leather saddlebag. John had cut pieces of meat from the deer frame to then wrapping them each into a rag. He filled the bag with the bloody goods before mounting his stallion.

Suddenly he could hear twigs snap in the near distance, breaking the quiet air. He readied the revolver that he Instinctually pulled from his holster, pointing it into the heavily wooded area.

  
_"Arthur?"_

He called out, calmly though his heart was racing a bit. He could feel his ears peak up to another snap in a different area. He pointed in that direction he heard the second snap. Still no reply, his breathing became shaken. He could only hear his breathing.

  
_"ARTUR!?"_

  
He shouted nothing again. His stallion head shoots immediately up to the direction he held his gun. He blew harshly through his nose, making a loud snorting.

  
 _"What is-_ WOAH, FUCK!"

  
The stallion bolted quickly without hesitation. John dropped his gun as he pulled the reins unyieldingly to stop the horse. Rapidly his body had been thrown from the saddle. He yelped as his back compacted to the ground. He could feel unbearable pain in his right arm as he moved it to pull his knife. His eyes darted around the trees, trying source to why his horse had spooked.

Short winded, he tries to whistle for the horse, to no avail. He wanted to get himself before hearing a low growl behind himself. His body froze instinctually before slowly turning his head.

A grey wolf was baring his teeth at John with ear pinned back and narrowing his stare to the helpless man. John felt his heart nearly stop as he breathed hysterically.

\---  
Arthur-

Hooves ripped through the trail as Arthur observe the area, to the spot where the two men had agreed for meeting back up.  
He noticed John's horse grazing off to the side in a small green field, but John wasn't to be seen. He grew annoyed, knowing John had gotten himself into trouble, but he felt panicked in a way, more anxious then he cares to admit to himself.

  
_"JOHN!"_

  
He shouted. Awaiting a reply but the quiet forest stay silent. Distraught was starting to embellished within him as he began to kick at his horse side, desperately searching.  
Loud wailing broke through the dense pine trees, immediately catching Arthur's attention.  
He cantered rode where he heard the nodes growing louder. Quickly, he nudged his horse to go faster. A small clearing within the trees revealed John holding his hunting knife firmly within his bloody grip.

Blood had stained the blade, and his shirt ripped and tore within them, his cuts oozing blood. Arthur felt his heart tighten. He gasped when John turned his head to him, three massive amounts across his cheek. Quickly he jumped off his horse and ran to John's side.

  
_"A_ _wolf got hold of me because I was thrown from my horse... The damn horse ran off, I got a few goods stabs, but he got me good..."_

  
John huffed, holding his shaky hand to his cheek to stop the bleeding.  
Arthur was relieved that everything was okay, but his reaction to desperately to find John that quickly made him uneasy, to say the least.

_"I'm quite relieved that you're alright...”_

  
He asked, eyeing John's arm.  
 _"I can try-“_

He growled in pain immediately as he barely lifted his arm

_"I-I can't. It hurts too much.”_

  
He cried, shaking his head before sitting back down. John felt embarrassed to be sitting there helpless as he looked up at the cloudy blue-eyed man.

_"It's fine. We need to get somewhere safe.”_

  
Arthur puts his arms under the small man's body before carefully lifting him.

  
" _I'll get for your horse later, alright?"_  
John nodded his head, tightening his face up to the pain.


	4. Lonely

Arthur held his horse reins as he walked along beside his horse down the trail, looking for a spot to rest. His thoughts played different seances if he wasn’t in time to save John, would’ve he bled to death or be eaten alive? Briefly, he turned to look at John. He held the horn of the saddle, looking away from his glance, he couldn’t be unfortunate to have anything happened to him. He regaled that offends to John. He chuckled with a shake of his head. He was looking back to the trail.

\--

Nightfall was slowly among them. There wasn't gotten be enough time for them to reach champ. The sky vermilion had faded into the other colours as the dying sunset.  
Arthur had hitched his horse to a small pine tree before carefully helping Marston down. John grunted as his arm throbbed with pain; he wasn’t pleased with an annoying return awaiting for him. Abigail wasn’t gotten let this slide, even in the state he was in.

_“Maybe, you should’ve of left me back there, Abigail is gotten be more than crossed with me...”_

John chuckled lightly, sitting down on to the log.  
 _“No can do, you lucked out again Johnny boah.”_

He humoured, watching John roll his eyes.

“ _Unfortunately_ _.”_ John scuffed. 

_"You need to clean that before it worsens."_  
The older man walked over to his saddlebag and grabbed a white rag, inspecting as he walked back over to John, making sure it was clean. He handed it to him, John took it and cringed harshly as he pressed it against his skin. Arthur frowned to himself, walking to unfold the tent.

" _You alright?_ "  
He asked, looking to John. The smaller man nodded hesitantly as he held a white rag against his bleeding cheek. Arthur had set the tent and started a small fire with the flint Dutch had gifted him many years ago.

Both men sat in silence, watching the red flames danced with the wind as it blew. Arthur couldn't stop his thoughts from boiling over that John was hurt because he lost his temper. With guilt running through him, he rose to his feet and quietly sat down next to him.

John looked at him for a moment.

 _"I'm sorry for leaving you behind wasn't very bright_."

Arthur murmured as he took the rug from John and folding it on a new side, then pressing it gently against his irritated, puffy red skin.

" _It's fine, but why did you?"_

John murmured back, looking to him. Arthur knew why, but, he couldn’t say it. How would he know Johns reaction to him taking such a liking to him? It hurt like hell keeping it in, his heart even now pounded against his ribs being this close to John. His eyes fixated to the man before him, feeling his cheeks began to flush.

“ _I can’t say_.”

His voice broke with melancholic. He could feel the tears breaking through his mask he wore effectively around John for years.

“ _Why— Arthur, what’s wrong?”_

John's eyes widen with disquiet. He grabbed at his hand to pull the rag away. He saw tears had begun to roll down Arthur’s face and disappeared into his beard. He needed to know now. Something isn’t right.  
Arthur hung his head, letting his hand fall to his side, sobbed quietly. He had to tell him now. They were alone.  
  
“Joh-n...”

He rose his head, looking to Johns distraught face and reached to hold his hands tightly as he began to shake.

“I **love** you, John Marston.”

He whispered with tranquil, looking directly into his eyes, squeezing his hands hard.

John could hear his heart race within his ears and his cheeks bloomed with heat to Arthur’s confession. This didn’t make sense to him; they both men.

_“You love me?...”_

He questioned, taking his eyes away from Arthur's endless blue eyes.

  
_“I have for a while.”_

He admitted with a small grin. He didn’t care if John rejected him; it was expected. John muddle over Arthur’s words before looking back to his tear-stained, grinning face.

“ _I'm not sure what to say. I’m quite taken back._ ”

He mused, feeling Arthur’s hands loosened.

“ _I understand._ ”

He mused back, bring John closer to his chest.  
John could feel substantial amounts of warmth streaming off of Arthur's body. He wanted to lean into the embrace of the older man but knew he would be dishonest to Abigail. Arthur's feelings played up with John being this close to him. It was difficult, not too. John's musky natural body masked over the smell of irony blood mixed with sweat sent that consumed his nostrils. He couldn't help but lean in closer, and within taken a deep breath of the sent, it bought a delighted smile to his face. John noticed when that intense heat was embedded against his neck.

John looked at him. They're eyes locked together. Arthur's blue eyes stared endless sea dabs, and John's grayish eyes stared bottomless holes.

" _Forgive me."_

Arthur mutter as he bought John closer to him and buss his lips against the younger man's lips. John pulled away from a little at first, wide-eyed, and his cheeks burned as he felt Arthur's arms hold him dearly.

" _A-Art-"_

Arthur hurried his tongue into John's mouth to dumb him. John jerked slightly as he felt warm wetness violated his mouth with Arthur pinning him against the log, he subsides into the buss, his eyes closed, and gently bussed him back. Both men could feel their hearts pounding loudly in their chests as the buss became rougher. Arthur pulled away quickly from their buss. He gasped for air. He could feel the heat radiating off his cheeks against the chilly air. John stared at the older man, astounded to what had occurred. Silence wrapped the men as they both couldn't find words to speak, only the urge to hell with the rest of the world. Arthur trapped John to the grassy ground and press his lips passionately to Johns, their tongues slide and wrapped around each other, furthering the deepen lust Arthur had for John as long as the older man could remember. He would be one with the man below him.  
John's mind shouted at him to get Arthur off of him since he always looked up to Arthur as his older brother and wife even though she was still aggressive with him; this was wrong. But he couldn't fight back the lust that had pitted itself, he felt guilty, but this was something new and different it felt right. Arthur ripped through John's white button-up shirt, bussing down his rough feeling neck to his collar bone, which was soft and paler than the rest of his neck. 

_”Shit- Arthur...ugh-”_

His shirt had protected him well from the sun. John's lips loosen to let meek moans escape, Arthur's ears perked as he heard the moans. This sent him into a frenzy. He quickly grabbed hold of John jeans, being sure he had unbuckled his belt and slide them off and forced John on all 4's, being sure his wounded arm didn't have to bear much pressure on it, quickly he pulled down his jeans, his erect cock was against John's buttocks, he spat into his hand, lubing his member up before rushing into Johns hole.  
John threw his head back to the sudden pain. 

_”E-Easy, it hurts~”_

He groaned as Arthur thrust his hips. Heavily groans and low moans filled the woods around them. John's eyes watered as his hole scratched around Arthur's cock. He buried his nails into the soil, taking every thrust with ease, his shoulder-length black locks pulled back within Arthur's fist full of tangled inky hair. His hot breath brushed the back of John's neck

_”You feel amazing, my dear~”_

He leaned into the crook of John's neck and bussed it softly before he bit down and his hips would move rougher and faster. John could feel his cock oozing per cum. This was the most he could recall. Arthur's strong hand now stroking him; he was gotten busted at any moment. Arthur couldn't begin to convene this lust he felt. No words could captivate how lustful, greedy, and in love with John he was. His hand gripped the younger man's cock tightly, pumping it as he moved his hips, feeling the end was near.  
John bucked against Arthur's hips. He moaned louder now. His voice echoed in the distance. Arthur gently flipped John onto his back. His cock swallowed in the other man's ass, making it almost painful to pull out. Amber flames lit up Johns muddied desired eyes, and his face completely relaxed with sweat drops streaming down his face. The older man had hauled his hips as he studied his lover below him, his inky hair clinging to the sweat and messily flamed his face. Arthur smiled softly at John as he took this moment to catch his breath. This was what he wanted but knew it to be short-lived because if anyone found them like this, they would be killed immediately.  
John stared up at Arthur's blue eyes. Lechery was etched in his face. He held his legs hairy against his frame.

_"I-I forgive you, Arthur.~"_

John murmur, his voice laced with lust still. Arthur led into John's face, feeling unsteadied breathing against his face. John closed his eyes and bussed his lips to his lovers. Arthur moves his hips once more. They're tounges danced with each other, and at times one of the men bit at their lips. John's cock throbbed as he had reached between Arthur to pump himself.

_"F-Fuck, I'm gotten bust~."_

He groaned as he pulled away from the buss, pumping himself faster. This only exciting Arthur. He held John's legs tightly, burying his cock deeper.

" _Me too~."_

He granted. John's eyes widen to the overwhelming sensation, his gut tighten.

" **ARTHUR!** _~_ _."_

He released his load between himself and Arthur, shooting up onto his stomach and chest. His cheeks burned a scarlet hue as hot semen hit against his skin. Arthur smirked wildly, digging his nails into the other man's legs.

_**"S-SHIT, JOHN!~.”** _

Arthur roared, rushing his cock in profoundly and releasing his load. John arched his back quickly as soon he felt the hot semen enter him. Heavily panting left both men's mouth, Arthur rolled over to John's side and pulled the smaller man towards his stout chest. John was nuzzling into Arthur's sweaty chest as they’re hot sweat bodies glued them together as it dried.

" _I love you, John...."_

Arthur whispered, bussing the top of John's inky head.

" _I-I love you too, Arthur..."_

—

Sun warm rays shine bled through viridescent leaves, down to Arthur and John in the altogether. John lay his head still against Arthur’s broad marginally hairy chest. He listened calmly to his heart, ticking away with his breathing be gentle as a breeze. He overturned last night’s occurrence again, remembering Arthur’s lips against his and how it felt more loving, then Abigail—, His heart quickens to the anxiety that settled in his throat. Abigail didn't deserve an undependable man. He sighed deeply, raising his head to look back at Arthur. He lay peacefully against the mahogany log still bare. John felt the blood rushing to his cheeks as he studied him more carefully.

" _God damn you, Arthur..."_

He huffed. John looked away to get up, soreness radiated from his backside, bending down to pick up his shirt and jeans.

" _Mornin_."

He jumped to Arthur's low, gravelly voice from behind.

" _Mornin..."_

He replies, his back still to the other man.

Arthur rose quickly, walking up behind the smaller man, wrapping his arms around his small frame, and he leans in close to his ear. His heartfelt light from last night memories all flooding back in. He smirked back to John's face and moans.

" _I meant to say was Mornin, my Darlin~."_

He busses against John's neck softly. John leaned into the taller man's chest and let out a quiet moan.

 **“Damn** **it, Arthur stop.** **.."**

He thought to himself. The guilt threw itself harder into John's throat, and he nearly couldn't breathe.

" _Arthur_..."

His voice trailed off. Arthur held John tighter as he could hear the anguish in his tone.

" _Is it Abigail?..."_

He asked, lowly. John nodded. He felt sick and wanted to throw up the guilt.

" _I can't do this, Arthur, this was a mis-"_

he felt Arthur's strong hand cover his mouth.

" _Don't say that..._ "

He murmured into John's ear and turned the smaller man around, looking down at his stoned grey eyes.

" _Let's go bathe off in the river."_

He smiled, grabbing hold of his hand and lead him to the riverside.

Arthur's held a metal cup, scooping the water, and poured it over John's inky hair. John stood close to his lover side as rushing cold water slashed up to their waists. They both find a secluded spot in the Dakota river near Cumberland falls hidden within the blue waterfalls. Arthur sat the cup down on a large boulder and pulled John closer to him.

" _No one needs to know... just us._ ”

He whispered into John's ear. John looked up to his bleak blue eyes.

" _Arthur, I know, but I'm wedded to Abigail, and I can't bear the thought of shining out on Jack... again."_

He spoke discomposed, breaking eye contact with the taller man to rest his head against his hair soaked chest.

" _Why can't you ever hobble your lip about that damn woman. I understand for Jack's sake."_

His brows narrowed.  
Annoyance sparked in his tone as he grabs hold of John's jaw to force their eyes back together. This was getting quite annoying, talking about Abigail. John stared back. Vexation deepens into his glare.

_"Arthur, you started this... I don't know what to call it, but I betrayed her, and I feel discern about what I have done..."_

His voice trailed off, still keeping his eyes locked with his.

" _Why did you?_ "

He asked, sincerely curious. Arthur looked away for a moment before signing and looked back.

" _John_..."

He licked his lip. It was too late to go back now. John might as well know his true feelings.

" _John. I've had a liking to you for quite a while, despite our ups and downs. I've kept it hidden for a very long time, and since I'm honest with you, it's hurt like hell seeing her go after you. She is the one who has been pinning after you for years. I understand why, because of Jack, and I don't fault you for that."_

John's eyes widen, his cheeks bloomed scarlet pools, stunning to the confession. His heart quicken and his mind searched for an answer, but nothing came to him. The guilt had subsided into his stomach. Only sound of running water and splashing against the rocks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you’re enjoying the read, I know my writing isn’t the best.


	5. John

After leaving the river, John couldn’t shake the feeling of what happened. He looked to Arthur, why did he let himself get sucked into that? Sure it felt nice, what about Abigail now?

The two men were silently riding the dirt trail with grey stones littering their path. Guilt still had hold of John's thoughts. This couldn't carry on, he knew that, but Arthur was always there in his deepest thoughts.

" _What you all ate up with?"_

Arthur asked to bring John's attention to him.

_"Isn't that bit stupid to ask?"_

John blushed scarlet slightly. His eyes were keeping content with Arthur's captivating blue eyes. The older man smirked as he tiled his hat to John.

" _I'm only joshing you, Marston."_

The younger man rolled his eyes, kicking his heels into his stallion side and riding alongside Arthur.

Hooves raced across the green meadows with gunshots echoing off into the direction. 2 rabbits stowed to John's saddle while Arthur lifted a buck onto his horseback.  
  
 _"I wish we could stay away longer..."_

Arthur mumbles under his breath as he looked to John. The sun shined against John's inky hair and Illuminated his grey-blueish, revealing hints of greens and undertones of dark blues.  
His cheeks grew warm.

Johns back stiffened sitting taller in his saddle. He was vulnerable to his words.

" _I do too..."_

Sadness was evident in his tone. Arthur took a few steps towards John's buckskin stallion and rested his hand against the golden coat. John's stomach fluttered as he had to look away for a moment to hide his scarlet cheeks. Arthur smirked lustily as he moved his hand to grab the younger man's wrist, pulling it to grain John's attention back. John sighed deeply as he revealed the reds of cheeks to Arthur.

" _You get flattered easily."_

Arthur chuckled, he gazes at John's eyes again. They always caught his attention, maybe because John looked dead on the inside and what stared back at him as John's ghost.  
  
 _"You're always staring at me. It's unbecoming at times.”_

John murmured. He knew Arthur was just horsing around with him, but the man's eyes stared endless voids of blues, and his hair remained him of dirty, sandy beaches.  
  
" _Come here."_

Arthur murmured as he took a look around their surroundings. John nodded slightly as he leans down to Arthur. He closed his eyes as he felt the other man hand against his warm cheek, within seconds, Arthur's lips against his. John leaned into the buss, sliding his tongue into Arthur's mouth. Arthur pulled away and smirked.

_"Easy now, boah."_

John huffed softly as he clicked his tongue to his horse and walked away from Arthur.

" _Come on_ ' **Boah** ’ ”

John mocked, the older man's lips pulled into a deeper smirk as he mounted his horse.

They rode back into the familiar area of woods. Both men trotted into camp as Mr Pierceton stood next to the hitching post.

_"Nicely done, fellas."_

He said with excitement. John tips his head in agreement, trying to hide his slashed cheek. Arthur hitched his mare and pulled the buck off and carried it off to the butcher table. Mr Pierceton untied the rabbits from John's saddle and repurchased them his station.

" **John**!"

A woman's voice echoed through the camp. John jumped to the sound, all aware of knowing who it belongs to. Abigail rushed to John's side as he dismounts.

_"Hello, my Darlin"_

He smiled softly as he wrapped his arms around her wrist. Abigail smiled back at him before bussing his cheek.  
  
 _"What happened to your cheek?"_

She asked, cringing at the pain he must have felt.  
 _  
"It's just a little cut, don't pay it any mind."_

He sighed.  
Arthur could see Abigail pinning herself against John, his brows narrowed. His heart sparked with covetous. He couldn't be caught acting this way. He masked over his bitterness with a forced smile when John looked over to him. Abigail held her husband's hand as they walked back to their tent. John could feel the guilt crawl it's way back into his throat and chest. He lifted to his head to Jack, sitting in the extended pea-green grass, holding a cobalt blue book in his small hands. Another wave of guilt choked him.

_"Hi, son."_

He addressed to Jack. The little boy rose his head to his father as he sheepish smiled at him.  
  
 _"Hi, Pa..."_  
—  
Around the campfire, everyone happily eating away at their venison stew. Arthur had grabbed his bowl and walked back to his tent, where he sketched out a drawing of John in his book. He sighed to himself as his hand held the pencil firmly, tracing it along with the paper. He grew dejected as his mind pondered about his partiality for John. Perhaps what happened between them was only a one-off thing, but Arthur couldn't pull himself away from viewing John as a lover.


	6. Idiot

Abigail placed herself close to Jack's body as she gently stroked his head, Loring him to sleep. John sat only a few inches away as his thoughts raced with Arthur. What happened between them was unnatural and random. He needed to put a stop to this affair for Jack's stake, and things with Abigail would worsen.  
  
 _"I'm gotten go talk with Arthur..."_

He mumbled under his breath as he rose to his feet.

" **Shh**."

Abigail shushed as she waved him away. He walked carefully through the camp, pasting by tents with sleeping people. He reached Arthur's arena. The older man stared deeply into his journal, not taking notice of John's presence.

_"Arthur."_

He sheepishly murmured. The dirty blonde haired man broke free from his thoughts to look at John.

_"What you doing up and here?"_

He asked casually.

_"Can we go for a walk or something? I am troubled with things."_

His tone earnest as he looked away from Arthur.

_"Alright, sure."_

Crickets humbled in the background to the sound of boots walking along the trail with stripes clanking along.

_"What's got you crossed now?"_

Arthur asked, looking to John, he could see the frustration had taken a tow on him.

_"Arthur, what happened was wrong, and it's troubled me more then I thought. I know Abigail is tough on me, but I need to step up for Jack, and I can't have this guilt, or I don't know what it is..."_

He sighed deeply to look at Arthur. Hurt washed the man's face. Arthur grabbed hold of John's arm and led him into the forest.

_"What the hell-"_

John said in one breath before Arthur pinned him against a tall oak tree. Thought the darkness they're eyes locked together.

_"John, i know better. Trust me, if I could, I'd wish I stop from being sweet on you, but I couldn't because of how long I've thought of you. You know when you shine out on us, on Jack for a year, sure I was dismay by you doing as such, but I still pint for you."_

Arthur's tone was distress, his hands firmly around John's arms.

" _T-That ain't fair for you to say, I wasn't_ _sure if Jack was even mine and Arthur, you damn fool, you got us into this mess"  
_  
John hushed as he felt tight lips against his. Warmth bled through his cheeks, and his heart quicken.

_"S-Stop..."_

He whispered through the buss. Arthur pressed himself firmly against the smaller man as he softens his lips.  
 _  
”John..."_

He tones discreetly; he let the tears finally escape.

_"I-I love you. God damn it."_

He paused, feeling his throat swell.

_"Arthur, you-"_

John murmured. Arthur placed his hand over his mouth.

_"Marston. It isn't fair either to me that I can't stop loving you and wanting you. I know it's wrong all this, I know we can't be queer. It will get us killed, I know, but still, I don't care because..."_

  
Arthur's voice broke off into hysterical sobs, his chest tighten with sorrow.

_"You're the only one I feel that would have me. No one else would."_

He's cries muffled his words. He held John closer, fearful of him rejecting him. John stood quietly, dumbfounded to Arthur's terms to everything. He removed Arthur, shaken hand from his mouth.

_"I... I don't know what to say.."_

John's voice trailed off. He leaned into Arthur's chest. This was a lot to unload for him. Why does Arthur feel this strongly for him? Both men stood in the relatively dark forest. The taller man's face stained with tears, holding his lover tightly as he could. Arthur felt such a fool for pouring all his feelings out to John like this, but it felt nice to cry.

_"I love you too, Arthur."_

John broke the silence. He knew better than to say such a thing, but it pains him to see his brother or lover like this. Conveying his yarning for him was nothing short of flattering. He felt a strong hand lift his face. They're eyes locked.

_"John, I'm sorry-"_

Quickly before Arthur knew it, John had brought his lips to the older man's lips.

_"Just shut up for once."_

He mumbled through the buss. Arthur's cheeks bloomed soft pinks as their buss became rougher. Arthur presses the younger man against the tress as he trailed down to his neck. John panted softly and bit his lip.

_"Art-Stop~."_

He groaned, placing his hand over his mouth. He paused, looking to John.

"Why?~"

He asked softly.

_"We're too close to camp, I'm afraid someone will hear us, and this still doesn't make things any better... I'm a wedded man, but I don't want you to feel the way that you do, you're a good man I just-"_

John sighed, feeling his heart pounded in his throat. This was a mess.

_"I don't need your pity, John."_

He scuffed. Arthur's mind raced with John's words. He was a fool for thinking things could be smooth sailing from that night.

_"I ain't, Arthur! I'm frightened..."_

He murmured, looking away from Arthur.

_"I wish you told me sooner before Abigail was with my child."_

He said coldly, pushing the taller man away from his frame and crossed his arms. Arthur stepped away, dropping his head. His chest tightens. He sheepishly said, taking in deep breathing.

_"God, Arthur..."_

John's eyes began to water as he slides down to the ground, holding his mouth firmly as he sobbed. Guilt ran deep within Arthur. This was unfair to both.  
  
 _"I'm heading back... I'm sorry I ever said anything, I'll leave for a few weeks."_

John immediately shot his head to the towering man.

_"Don't be stupid."_

He snapped, rushing to his feet. John stepped towards the older man, grabbing his hand. Arthur looked to him, frowning with distressed. The younger man softened his tear-stained eyes, embracing him tightly as he rested his head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat as it grew faster.

_"I'm sorry, too, for my words."_

He whispered, feeling at ease when his heart slowed. Arthur held him close, resting his hand back of John's head, his fingers curling around the inky locks.

_"Let's stop talking and enjoy this for now."_

Arthur murmured his southern draw was more pronounced when he spoke lowered. He could feel John nodded his head against his shirt.

_"Let's try to make this work, Marston. I can't bear the thought of letting you go."_

He smirked slightly, feeling him nodded again. They'll both knew this was something terrible to keep having, but to John, he felt loved by someone for once, and to Arthur, he didn't feel judge nor have to change himself to fit someone's morals.


	7. Shit

2 Weeks had passed. The pair tried to sneak away whenever they could. Abigail would be persistent in asking John where he is and going. Telling lies felt wrong at the moment, but when it was just him and Arthur. Time melted away with the guilt. For Arthur, he hadn't been as careful as John.  
—  
Rain fell heavily from the colourless sky, over the two men.

_"Hopefully, no one noticed we were gone."_

John shouted through the rain as he stayed close behind the older man, taking hold of his strong arm.

_"Don't think so."_

He replied lowly. Its been a few weeks since they're the last lay together. It clouded Arthur's thoughts nearly every day. He couldn't break from the daydreams when he was away from John.

Hosea could pick up on his behaviour, he noted how Arthur stared at John, and he acted strange when others called John out for something. He always jumped to his defence.

He had said something to Arthur. Making him truly afraid, knowing Hosea had picked up on his intimacy for John.

They both ran into Arthur's tent. John pulled back the black blanket quickly as he pulled his lover in behind him.

_"Fuck, it's cold."_

John barked as he sat down on Arthur's cot. He looked to the taller man as he took off his soaked coat. He saw Arthur just nodded his head

_"what's wrong?"_

He sighed deeply and crossed his arms tightly, trying to keep his warmth.

_"It's Hosea. He confronted me about my actions towards you."_

He spoke lowly despite the rain and wind blew harshly against the tent. John's heart came to an alarming stop.

_"W-What, you mean!?"_

His thoughts dashed to the worse case being Hosea told Abigail. He reached over to Arthur's arm, pulling harshly towards him. He caught himself quickly before he nearly fell backwards.

_"JOHN-"_

Arthur snapped, pulling his arm away from John. He coldly looked to John, seeing distressed covering his face. He sighed deeply before pushing back his wet hair looking to the ground.

_"He knows about us... I had to tell him, John."_

He rushed over the words trying to keep quiet enough. John's eyes widened, he could feel his heart now in his throat, and his breathing quickened.

_"What now!?"_

John shouted, anger laced his tongue. Arthur stood quietly, looking away from him. Everything around them felt numb and not real. Anxiety had filled john. His thoughts ran wild with every second that sat silent. It winded him.

_"WHAT NOW? ARTHUR, WHAT NOW!?"_

He shouted louder, overcoming the rain and wind that seems to be background noise now. He lunged forward at Arthur, grabbed a fistful of his shirt. The other man stared him down, motionless. John could feel his eyes begin to swallow with tears, his lips quiver as he kept eyes locked with the man before him. Arthur knew this had to end. He promised Hosea to keep him from telling Dutch and, more importantly, Abigail. The longer he looked to John's face, the harder he wanted to release the saddened from him. He raised his hand to John's scarred cheek.

_"This... has to end, John, or else, hell will be upon us."_

John's tears broke free, hearing those words fall from his lover's mouth smashed into him harder then any train could. Nothing could escape John's mouth, only sobs that poured out freely now.

_"Sh-Shhh..."_

Arthur shushed bring John closer to his chest. He felt immediately push against him.

_"I FUCKING... GOD DAMNIT, DAMN YOU ARTHUR!”_

John cried loudly. Backing himself into the cot, covering his mouth as he cried. This was indeed too much to have Arthur done such things with him and now tell him it's over. It felt as if he was being played the fool.

_"J-John, please. I-I don't want this either, but I can't bear the thought of always having to be mindful of our... love."_

He walked closer to the cot and sat beside the sobbing man, forcing him into his arms. John hastily refuses the embrace he couldn't think or see straight.

_"I'm sorry, Darlin..."_

Arthur murmured, resting his head against the side of John's head. His cold, wet hair stuck against his rough cheek, tightening his grip on the other man.

_"Get off, Arthur..."_

John growled. He pulled his face from him. John wanted to knock him silly for even thinking such a small ass apology would change things. Arthur felt hurt to John's words, but he wasn't out of line for feeling this way. Arthur slowly lowered his arms. John rose to his feet before letting the rest of his tears fall down his hot cheeks.

_"Don't speak to me for a while... I can't begin to tell you how badly I want to knock the shit out of you. Morgan."_

John spoke coldly. keeping his back to the man behind him. His fists curled as he stood there, letting the anger stream through him. He said he wouldn't let this happen—John's thoughts overturning everything.

_"I understand..."_

Arthur replied softly, feeling his eyes now set free the tears. He looked to John standing before him, wondering if he was gotten be leaving. The sound of rain filled the deafening silence around them.


	8. I can’t stop you

John couldn't leave; he tried to step forward, but he felt glued to the floor or that Arthur had locked chains to him to keep him from going. The minutes slowed, the longer John stood, it became more difficult it was to forget everything that happened between them.  
  
 _"Why are you still here?..."_

Arthur asked through his tears. He rose from the bed and stepped inches away from John's back. His scent crowded his nose, and a wave of tranquillity overcame him. John sense Arthur's figure closer then he cares for with his hair stood up on the back of his neck, and he breathed in deeply.

_"Because I can't..."_

He mutters through his teeth. His heart overrides his thoughts, skewing them into a nonsense mess. Arthur stepped closer to his lover and carefully wrapped his arms around John's torso. His heart pumped hard against his chest as he leans closer to the other man's ear.

_" Why?~"_

He cooed softly against his ear. John jumped slightly to his body, being focused into an intimate position. He shivered to Arthur's question.  
  
 _"Because- I-I **love** you...~"_

He groaned softly feeling Arthur had kissed against his neck and playfully nipped him. This was gotten turn into something bad. He thought he could feel his cheeks had been coming hotter than before.  
  
 _"I love you more, Marston~"_

Arthur chuckled slightly. Lust had hold of his thoughts now. It didn't matter right now to Arthur what happened only a few minutes ago. He craved to be close with John.

_"Fuck...~"_

John moaned in lewd tone, pressing himself against Arthur frame now. Both men stood there as the other man traced kissed along his neck, and the other moaned softly. Arthur pulled himself back to the cot with John still firm against him. John gave in to the lust that had quickly overcome him and now filled both of the men's thoughts. Arthur began to unbutton the black vest, parting it from the buttons it held his shirt closed. He began to unbutton John's red shirt, letting his large hands gentle began to massage the other man's chest, only being able to grope at a small amount of skin, still kissing at John's neck. His cock hardened against his trousers as he massaged his lover.

_"God-, Aaah-~"_

John moaned softly leaning completely against the man behind him. The movements of Arthur's hand groping him and even pulling at his nipples immensely made his dick sallow into a throbbing mess. Why now? He thought when his thoughts weren't being shaved aside from lust. John leans his head back against Arthur's shoulder, looking back towards his face. He moaned slightly louder soon as Arthur began to twist and pull at his turning red rosebuds.

_"I can't hold back any longer.."_

Arthur groaned, he became irritated to how long it's been since they last lay together. He could see the lust buried deep within John's grey eyes. It was almost mesmerising how quickly he willingly gave himself to him.  
  
 _"You're such dick~."_

John commented with a chuckle before leaning forward to take off his dark grey duster and the other articles of clothing. John stood before Arthur only baring himself his black trousers.  
  
 _"How so?~"_

Arthur asked while smirking at his work he has done to his lover nipples. John blushes brightly, seeing where the other man's eyes started to.

_"you can't make a grown man cry like that then expect him to have slept with you...”_

His voice trailed off as he bit his lip looking down at Arthur from under his hair. Arthur's smirk faded slightly and nodded in agreement to his remark.  
  
 _"Perhaps you're right, Marston~"_

He flashed a toothy grin, leaning back into the cot. John immediately grew annoyed, what was Arthur trying to do to him? He rolled his eyes as he played with the button to his pants. Arthur's eyes stayed glued to John; he tilted his head to what John was doing. Does it seem to be a tease, maybe? His hand found its way down to the zipper of his jeans, grabbing the small metal chip and pulling it down to release his cock. John's face burned scarlet as he watched his lover do so. Arthur coaxed him to his knees and had him kneeled between his legs. John stared lustily to what was before him. He hadn't the clue to what he was supposed to do. He flicked his gaze up to Arthur.  
  
 _"I-I... don't know what to do..."_

mumbled under his breath, the blood in his cheeks still burned with heat.

_"Marston, I'm sure you've had your cock sucked before. It's the same as if... Abigail had done to you.”_

Arthur's voice tailed off as soon as the woman's name left his lips. He kept his stare with John, seeing the lust pinned up within John's grey eyes, made Arthur grow an unbearable urge to pin him down against the cot. The other man nodded his head slightly before taking hold of his member. it felt hot in John's cool hand as he pumped his arm. Arthur moaned softly, leaning his hips into the movement. He smirked wildly down to his crotch, watching John as he leaned forward to lick the tip of his cock. Soon he felt warm, wetness wrap around him and the tightening of Johns's lips. Drool started to leak from the corners of his mouth as he challenged himself to bring Arthur deeper into his throat. His eyes watered to the pleasure against the back of his throat, feeling as if it slide down further. Nothing seems to be able to enter Johns thoughts with Arthur stiff cock burying into his mouth. Gaps and chokes filled the tent, but the rain had still drowned the noise from escaping.

 _"F-Fuck, John-Ahh~"_  
  
He moaned, grabbing hold of his inky hair as he gently moved his hips into the other man's mouth. Tears peek over Johns lashes, his mouth began filled with Arthur's hard cock and pressing against his gap reflect. He lifted his eyes to Arthur, choking against the pressure.

" _ **SHIT**_!"

Arthur groaned loudly, he rushed his hips deep down Johns tight throat, immediately filling his mouth with his seed. John pulled away as soon he felt it slide down into his throat, quickly he pulled away to cough up what had gone into the wrong hole.

_"Sorry―"_

John kept his eyes up to Arthur with tears and drooled mixed with his cum leak down his rose colour cheeks. John felt an unbearable wave of submission crash into him. The urge to have Arthur to be buried deep inside him was almost too much.

_"It's alright..."_

He trailed off, looking to the ground. Swiftly Arthur had grabbed him by the arm, pulling him on the cot before pinning him down against the dark blue blanket. Staring down at his lovers face filled that desire again to make John his.  
 _  
"Someone will hear..."_

John whispered, his eyes were hazed from the tears. The rain had slowed, but maybe it was too risky still. Arthur stopped himself before evaluating what the consequences would be if they did; it didn't matter he thought to himself. He leaned down to Johns harsh lips, sliding his tongue into his. Both men face slowed into a warm blush."

_" Fuck me..."_

John moaned softly into their buss. Everything seems to feel out of his control now. The words that freely left him sent him into an unbelievable urge to beg. Arthur's cock grew rapidly; he could feel the cravings just as much or maybe more. The sound of belts and removing of boots filled the quiet air—metal clanking against one another. The older man, pulled his lover into his arms, bussing against his lips softly before laying his lover down onto the cot. John sheepishly lay his head to one side, exposing his pale neck and slightly, spread his legs open for Arthur. The other man's cheek bloomed red. He presses his lips along Johns hairy legs before taking his hands and widening his legs. Looking down, he took hold of Johns cock, pumping it slowly as he rubbed his thumb around the tip.

_“I couldn’t hear you.~”_

Throwing him josh smirk. John bit lip eagerly, shuttering his eyes to Arthur. 

_“Grr, I said— fuck me...”_

He hastens over the words, gripping the blankets once more. Arthur chuckled gradually pumping his hand. He could hear John muffled moans. He still couldn’t believe this all happened just in the few weeks of letting John know, things could been different. Maybe he would have run away with John, any outcomes he thought could be fine but he wouldn’t be able too, not to Dutch and Hosea. He broke out quickly, studying back to John. His hand slowed to lean up against Johns body. The fire lantern dully lit up the tent, still lighting Johns lustful face, with his cheeks stained red as was Arthur’s too. 

_“What?”_

John mused, worried that someone was near.

_“Nothing just thinking about us, I wish I did say something sooner..”_

He sighed profoundly taking his hand to John's cheek.

_“You pick the absolute worth time to talk about things.”_

His lips were cracking an infuriating grin. 

_“Sorry, Darling.~”_

His southern accent thickened, planting a gentle to kiss to his lips.

_“Is it official?”_

He asked, rubbing his thumb to John's cheek. The other man gave a commend nod.

_“I know it’s too late to go back...”_

John sighed slightly, grinning to Arthur.


	9. More to come!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> I like to say, thank you all for the kudos and reads! I’m taken back by how much people even bothered to tap on my story! Yes, I noticed too that I been focusing a lot on Arthur and John but please bare with me, things are only getting started.
> 
> Enjoy!

Fuck you writers block.


	10. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hosea needs a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤️ Enjoy, I'm very pleased with this chapter.

_”John!”_

Abigail shouted following close behind him. John hurried out the camp to be out ear shot from everyone else.

_“Christ, what woman?!”_

He turned quickly on his heels, narrowing his brows to her. Abigail quickly stopped in front of him.  
  
 _“I’ve had enough of this, and you’re always gone. You need to spend time with your son, you rotten man.”_

Rising her voice, returning the scowl.

  
 _“It’s none of your damn business where the hell i go, now stop nagging me!”_

He exasperated, looking past her shoulder towards camp. He saw Hosea glared down at him with his arms firmly crossed against his chest, hidden within the trees. His expression deepened as he looked back to Abigail.

_“You sack of shit!”_

She vexed, slapping John across the cheek before turning away, storming back to camp.

He quickly sucked air through his teeth to hold his cheek, turning to walk further away, down the hill. He whistled to his stallion, looking over his shoulder to the grassy hillside, hearing hooves running through the tall trees and down the hill. He mounted up, rushing his spurs into the horse side before bolting away.

Abigail searched the camp for Dutch, approaching his tent to spot him near one of the campfire pits.

_“Hello, Miss Roberts.”_

Dutch taking in long drag from his cigar.

_“You need to do something about John and Arthur. Them boys action strange and I ain’t having it no more!”_

She shouted, catching everyone attention. Hosea peered back sighing and walked over to the fire pit looking to Abigail.

_“There isn’t anything going on. They went hunting again with Javier and Lenny.”_

He fids, knowing he asked both men to meet him in Valentine. Dutch looked to her dumbfounded.

_“Abigail enough, John finally getting his act together and you still found a means to rag on him.”_

He huffed, shaking his head as he flicked the used cigar into the fire and walked back to his tent. Abigail looked around, seeing everyone stared before going back to what they were doing. 

_“To **hell** with you all!”_

She yelled, hurrying back to her tent with tears rolling down her cheeks. Was she just imagining that John seems more detached than usual? She closed the green tarps before sitting down on her blanket.

Hosea had watched Abigail stormed away. He knew what was going on and was more than infuriate with Arthur. He walked to his dappled grey horse, checking the girth before mounting up into his light leather saddle and pulled the reins to head out. Riding the trail, he looked to the landscape to the blue sky, trying to calm himself before reaching Valentine.

He trotted into town, making his way through the busy crowds and spotting the men’s horses at the hitching post. Hosea dismount then tied his reins to the wooden pillar. He walked up the stairs. His eyes rapidly spotted the two men standing at the counter, drinking away hooch.

_“Afternoon, gentlemen.”_

He spoke in discompose tone. He was eyeing the black-haired man. _  
_

_“Afternoon...”_

Arthur reply. John eyed him back before speaking.

_“Same to you.”_

Hosea huffed, ordering himself a beer. 

_“When do you want to go?”_

Arthur questioned with nervousness. He’s grip tighten the bottle of beer.

_“When I’m good and ready, I'm not pleased with either one of you.”_

He shushed quietly before taking a swing.

—

Out of town, the men rode out into the darkening sky above them. Arthur kept his eyes to Hosea, wondering where he would lead them too. He knew that Hosea asked him to stop the affair, but he couldn’t. Over rocky hills with stars now lighting the sky, they trotted over to a small area that overlooked the heartlands. Smoke filled the chilly air as all three men sat around the fire, Hosea looked to both men that hung their heads low. He knew what was happening, and it had to stop or else there would be other problems.  
  
 _“John, Arthur...”_

He muted. Both men lifted their heads to him. Arthur sighed quietly as he tries to find words to explain himself. John, on the other hand, narrowed his gaze.  
  
 _“Why the hell are we out here, you just gotten tell us to stop seeing each other?”_

He raised his voice. Hosea retracts a bit to the response. Arthur quickly grabbed at John's leg, tugging at it.

_“Yes, I’am. Fellas, this isn’t normal in the slightest! John, I’m very disappointed in you. You are a father now, despite the fact you think otherwise.”_

Hosea looked to Arthur, he frowned seeing an apologetic stare. John scuffed loudly reaching out to Hosea direction, pointing at him with anger.

_“ **You** need hobble your lip about Arthur and I.”_

He vexed, shouting, causing his voice to echo through the sky. Arthur takes his gaze to John, pulling him to look at him.  
  
 _“Stop...”_

He mumbled in his thick accent. John's eyes darted to him.

_“Why should I? You got us into this mess and now that I’m fully involved with you. Now you want me to shut it?”_

He growled lowly. Hosea looked away from the two. What could he do? Their both adults but, it didn’t sit well with him having his well, he considered sons being sweet on each other. He looked back up.  
  
 _“No, John I don’t want you to shut it but please-“_

Hosea raises his voice over Arthur’s.  
  
 _“Do whatever you both want, I’m warning you now. Both of you, if this catches the breeze. You’ll be sorry. If you both do design on keeping it this way, you need to leave.”_

Arthur and John's eyes widen with disbelief. Leave? They’re home, family. Both men felt disheartened by request. 

_“Real nice to know now how you support us, **Fuck** **you.** ”_

Hosea scuffed. He never had John disrespect him in this way. John exasperates getting to his feet, looking to Arthur. 

_“I’ve said my word.”_

Arthur looked to him, nodding his head slightly. He still couldn’t find anything to say, was it guilt? He looked again to John walking away into the forest, taking out a cigarette from his back pocket. Before looking back to Hosea.

_“You haven’t said anything. I know about Mary, but this isn’t right-“_

_“I’m not interested in women.”_

He bullied over Hosea words; he needed to start talking and give answers.

_“But you had a son with that woman, what you mean does John know?”_

A wave of questions rushed over him. He stared at Arthur.  
 _  
“I'm sure he gets it but no not a heart to heart about it.”_

He sighed, feeling his cheeks flush with embarrassment.

_“I knew better than to go after a man Hosea.”_

He started turning his face to hide the flush.

_“Why John?”_

He queries with forward-looking. Arthur could yet again feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. He licked his lips, looking off to the direction where John had left.

_“Because I fear no one else would have me... I tried for years to throw up the sponge on Marston. I couldn’t; my inner sins wouldn’t let it be.”_

He murmured, quickly reaching to dry the tears. Hosea sat quietly brown studying the man words. He rose to his feet to sit beside Arthur, placing his hand to his shoulder.

_“Son, I wish you stop being hard on yourself. You’re not a bad fella.”_

He muted. Arthur keeps his gaze away, feeling his throat swell and his tears rushed down his warm cheeks. Hosea struck a nerve with his words, was he being supportive or saying silly things? He sobbed quietly brings his hands to his face. Hosea hummed as he rubbed Arthur’s back.

_“I’ll let you and John stay but please you both need to keep this to a low profile...”_

Arthur wipes his tears, looking to his beloved father.

_“You don’t have too. We’ll leave.”_

His reply in a dismal tone.

_“I insist.”_

Hosea carefully turned Arthur. The younger man stared back at him tear-stained face, before pulling him in for an embrace.

_“Arthur, I’m proud of you.”_

He beams slightly, feeling Arthur’s arms tighten around his frame.


	11. First Butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could say.

Butterflies. They’re tiny wings flutter within Arthur’s stomach, looking towards his younger like a brother. John stood by his green tent with a beer in hand looking to Abigail, talking away their conversation being blended with everyone else.

_-John turned 18 today, he didn’t seem fussed at first about but Hosea and Dutch insisted on it. Dutch gave him a shotgun and Hosea gave him a book about a runaway outlaw. Everyone else gave him hooch or a few bucks. This year I couldn’t decide on what to give him other than a new hunting knife and 100$ I stole off a few folks. My feelings for him are still strong for him but I know better than to be a fool and let em slip...-_

He put away his journal, glazing over his shoulder to John. It seemed wrong being in love with him, them butterflies stayed and flutter faster when the two were near or alone together. He sighed taking his head away to the long grass that flowed with the wind to the north. The sunset over the mountain tops with stary navy sky close behind. He rose to his feet and grabbed his journal. Walking to his black paint mare side. He listened closely to again to the busy air, noticing two familiar voices had shushed. He looked again to Johns tent, they had gone inside. His stomach curled into knots and his heart squeezed tight. He knew what that meant and it sure ruffled his feathers. He scuffed under his breath, mounting up into his saddle and rode quickly out of camp.

Fireflies flashed throughout the dark forest being company by Arthur lantern as he rode along the distressed trail, going nowhere to his knowledge or care. He reflects on everything, Mary entered his thoughts she loved him but wasn’t good enough for her or her family. He dismisses her quickly. His son who had recently passed a few years back came through. He wondered if he settled down with that woman who had him how things would turn out. None of it matters. Things would of still probably not been in his favour anyway. When John crept through his thoughts, he could feel his throat puff into a mess and eyes squeezed shut, pulling on his horse reins to stop.

 **”Damn, you** **Marston...”**

he sobbed quietly, pulling at his shirt where his heart lay in his chest. He pulled the reins to turn off the trail and down into a small meadow where trees were barely visible. Arthur lifted his head to the galaxy above with wet cheeks still, breathing in the warm summer night, the crickets hummed their songs quietly in the background alongside with the coyotes' soft howls.  
  
“ **What I give to let you know, John how you fiddle with my heart and how I wish you were here to stare up at the stars with me right now...”** **  
**

—

Few months passed since Johns birthday, the two barely said a word to each other all because Arthur wanted it to that way until he could control his emotions better. Arthur sat near the fire pit when he could overhear Abigail speaking with John. His ear perked, listening to the excitement in her tone before hearing a long pause.

_”It’s not mine.”_

John's eyes drew into a disquiet look, lowering his voice. Abigail's smile quickly whipped clean from her lips. Shock display all over her face as her brows pulled up.   
  


_“Yes, it is John I wouldn’t mistake it either because you know I love you, and you’re the only one I been intimate with.”_

Abigail's eyes began to water overwhelmed with her what she thought was husband reaction.

_”I don’t care, It isn’t my child.”_

John shushed before stepping away from Abigail to walk out the tent, on his way he looked to Arthur seeing that he probably just heard the news. The older man quickly turned his head away, his breathing hitched a bit, hearing Johns boots fade away from him.

”Baby?...”

He mumbled to himself. If this was true, he wouldn’t be shocked in any sense of this. John was an idiot after all. Perhaps this might be something telling Arthur to stay quiet.

And it’s exactly what he did...

After ripping away his confession litter, and tossing it into the fire before him.

_”I’m a fool...”_


End file.
